Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat?
Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.
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Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.
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How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
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What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
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How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
Confuse it with a bass clarinet.
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What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?
An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.
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How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
Cut the noose.
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A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections:
Flute Brains, $1/lb
Tuba Brains, $10/lb
Percussion Brains, $5/lb
Then he saw a sign that read:
Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know hwow many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
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How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house?
They don't know where to enter and what key to use.
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What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
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What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
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How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.
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How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet?
Miss a lot of notes...
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How do you know when a clarinetist has died?
The concertmaster moves them back a chair...
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What do call a line setup by clarinets?
A circle
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